New AI Shows Affection To Others So You Don’t Have To
“Deep learning technology has finally made tending to the needs of family and friends irrelevant,” says Mike Zane, CEO of ExThinkt, an exciting new tech startup dedicated to making relationship building a thing of the past.
“With the training data we’ve accumulated from thousands of years of human relationship building, we’ve managed to develop an AI that can raise your kids, tend to familial needs and keep friendships just as well as you ever could, in a fraction of the time.” Mike Zane claims, vigorously shaking with enthusiasm.
“Although it’s still early, we think this AI is already easily capable of raising kids to 4.0 GPA averages…”
“Think of all the time you’d save for far more important endeavors if you didn’t have to worry about things like calling your parents or spending quality time with the kids! Although it’s still early, we think this AI is already easily capable of raising kids to 4.0 GPA averages and teaching parents how to fix the WiFi over the phone. This could really be a game changer.”
The ExThinkt Beta is already underway, the company says, and beta testers are just as enthusiastic about the potential for the tech.
“I decided to try seeing how the AI would fare with my college buddy text group, and it absolutely killed! I’m the funniest person in the group now! And the wisest! And the most sympathetic! One of my buddies just confessed to me their deepest, darkest secrets; that’s just how well it works.”
“Now I finally have time to work on my novels, my paintings, my musical compositions, my feature films, my radio plays, and my apps, all also generated by other AIs. Now that I’m so productive, I have time to take on every hobby imaginable! Isn’t AI amazing?”
“I see on their social media that they appear to be having a quality, correct upbringing without me having to be present.”
“I was concerned all the time I was spending at work was having an adverse affect on my adolescent child, but now that I have this AI taking care of all that, I don’t even think about them anymore. I can spend whole nights at work without concern. I see on their social media that they appear to be having a quality, correct upbringing without me having to be present. It’s truly a miracle of technology!”
“Soon, it’s our hope that the AI may in fact be able to carry out the busy duties of living a full, complete life for us.”
ExThinkt says this is only the beginning, of course. Mike Zane shared with us their utopian vision for the future:
“Soon, it’s our hope that the AI may in fact be able to carry out the busy duties of living a full, complete life for us. Imagine being granted an AI at birth that will carry out all our duties of learning, loving and living, allowing us to take our rightful place resting in soil letting our matter be recycled by the Earth itself. Call me an optimist, but I think that bright future is very achievable with this kind of technology.”
